


oh, goddamn, my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

by bothsexuals



Category: Dickinson (TV)
Genre: i dont know what this is but here it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:54:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28653090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bothsexuals/pseuds/bothsexuals
Summary: Emily spends a day with Sue and Ben.
Relationships: Emily Dickinson & Benjamin Newton, Emily Dickinson/Susan Gilbert Dickinson
Comments: 15
Kudos: 75





	oh, goddamn, my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

**Author's Note:**

> This doesn't really have a plot but like whatever... you don't need a plot when you have talent and sexiness. 
> 
> Title from ivy by T-Swizzle, OBVIOUSLY, BECAUSE THIS SONG IS ABOUT EMISUE.

Sue’s eyes fluttered open as she slowly realized where she was—Emily’s room, arguably her favorite place. Emily sat beside her, a book in one hand, the other holding Sue’s. 

She hummed, alerting Emily that she was awake. “I expected to find you looking at me,” she mumbled. 

Emily raised an eyebrow. “You did tell me to stop.” 

“Since when do you do what others ask you to do?” Sue scoffed. 

“Almost always when it comes to you,” Emily replied. 

Sue smiled. “So what are we doing today?” she asked.

“I thought you and Austin had to do that wedding thing.” 

“That’s after lunch.” She smirked. “I’m yours all morning.” 

“I’m happy just to lay with you a while longer,” Emily replied, putting her book aside and turning to face Sue, “and pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist.” 

“Hmm—” Sue tucked a loose strand of hair behind Emily’s ear, then kept her hand there, fingers gently threading in her hair “—and after?” 

“We shall get dressed,” Emily solemnly proclaimed, “go downstairs, and bother everyone we find.” 

“Perfect.” 

“Then we’ll eat and I suppose you’ll leave.” 

“And what will you do while I’m gone?” Sue asked. 

“Likely just wait for your return,” Emily answered, “perhaps write something I’ll pray you might enjoy.” 

“I always enjoy what you write,” Sue said softly. 

“I still have to strive to impress you,” Emily replied, leaning closer, until her lips were ghosting over Sue’s “otherwise I might underwhelm you.” 

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Sue whispered, then closed the distance between them and kissed Emily slowly, gently, so sweetly it made her feel as if she was a candle and Sue the flame burning her down, melting her until there was nothing left.

  


***

  


“You’re up late,” Lavinia greeted Emily and Sue as they entered the kitchen to scour for some (admittedly late) breakfast. 

“You’re annoying early,” Emily quipped back, and Sue tried to bite back a chuckle. 

Lavinia rolled her eyes, then handed Emily a plate with some slices of bread and a bit of jam she had obviously saved for them. “Eat this and don’t bother me,” she ordered. 

“Vinny, you’re the best,” Sue said earnestly, as Emily blew her an overly theatrical kiss. 

“I know,” Lavinia replied, “but either help me make lunch or leave this room.” 

“Leaving!” Emily exclaimed, then grabbed Sue’s hand and rushed out of the room. 

“Stop running before you drop our breakfast,” Sue chastised her once they were out. 

Emily came to a halt with a huff. “Don’t you like to live dangerously, Miss Gilbert?” 

“I’ve got enough danger in my life as is, Miss Dickinson,” Sue replied, “I don’t need it to affect my bread.” 

“I suppose that’s fair.” 

They sat on the living room room couch, Emily balancing the plate on her lap in a manner that would have horrified her mother, who was thankfully out at the moment. They ate and spoke idly, enjoying the sunshine that seeped in through the window and warmed their skin, the softness of the bread and the closeness of their bodies. Once they finished their food, Emily set the plate on the floor, once again feeling her absent mother’s scornful eyes on her, and they kept talking for minutes, maybe hours, until the door opened and Emily jumped up, expecting a disapproving parent to appear. Instead she was welcomed by a much more pleasant sight: Ben Newton entered her home, and Emily’s face brightened immediately. Sue bit the inside of her cheek, but said nothing. 

“Emily!” he happily greeted her, “and Miss Gilbert! What a sight for sore eyes you two are.” 

Emily jumped to her feet and ran to hug him, then asked, “Why are your eyes so sore, my friend?” 

“Your father had me working all night,” Ben sighed, “and then again this morning, of course, running around the whole city for him. Oh, but I did get you this.” He reached into a bag Emily hadn’t noticed he’d been carrying, probably full of stuff his father had him pick up, and took out a book. 

“What’s this?” she asked with a soft gasp.

“Shakespeare’s sonnets,” he explained, handing her the gorgeous, leather-bound book, “I know you probably know most of them already, but this is such a good edition I couldn’t resist.” 

She hugged the book to her chest. “I love it.” She ran back to the couch, Ben trailing behind her, and sat back down beside Sue, excitedly showing her the book. “Sue, look! Isn’t it great?” 

“Sure,” Sue sighed, barely looking at it. Emily rolled her eyes and bumped her leg against Sue’s, finally eliciting a smile from her favorite girl, and convincing her to look at the book. 

“So,” Ben spoke again, “what are your plans for the day?”

“I’m happy to announce we have done absolutely nothing so far,” Emily stated proudly, “soon we’ll have lunch, which you’ll hopefully join, and then Sue will abandon me in a state of complete despair.” 

“Rough,” Ben commented with a laugh. 

Sue rolled her eyes and said, “Hardly so. She just likes to be dramatic.” 

“It suits me,” Emily said with a shrug. 

“Would you mind me saving you from your despair?” Ben offered, “Perhaps with a quiet walk outside?” 

“My hero,” Emily sighed, once again overly dramatic, “please do.” 

  


***

  


“Be good,” Sue instructed as she put on her coat. 

“When am I not?” Emily retorted, “ _You_ be good.” 

“I’m going to talk with a priest,” Sue pointedly replied, “I doubt I’ll cause much trouble. You’re the one courting a married man.” 

“I’m not courting anyone,” Emily corrected her, “he’s my _friend_ , and we are simply going to walk together.” 

Sue shrugged. “Whatever you say.” 

“Jealousy looks cute on you,” Emily said with a smirk. 

“I’m not jealous,” Sue half-heartedly protested. 

Emily didn’t reply except for a soft hum and a smile, which Sue couldn’t help but return with a gentle smile of her own. “Goodbye, Emily,” she said, and gave a quick glance around before leaning in for a swift kiss—but when she began to pull away, Emily put her hand on Sue’s cheek and drew her back in for an even sweeter kiss. 

“Goodbye,” she whispered then, giving Sue one last peck before letting her go, “have fun.” 

“You too,” Sue replied, and rolled her eyes at the wink Emily shot her as she walked out of the door. 

  


***

  


“What’s troubling you, dear?” Ben asked, running his fingers through Emily’s hair as she lay her head in his lap. 

“Sue,” she sighed, and he gave her a melancholy smile. “I love her so much,” she continued in an almost-whisper, “and it _hurts_.” 

“I know it does,” he replied, “I really do.” 

“Have you felt it before?” she asked, looking at him curiously. 

He nodded a little sadly. “When I was younger, I had a best friend. He lived in the house next to mine and we’d spend most everyday together. He’d say I was like a brother to him.” He chuckled. “I never said it back.” 

“What happened?” 

“I told him. And he never spoke to me again.”

She searched for his hand with her own, interlacing their fingers when she found it. “I’m sorry.” 

He shrugged. “Maybe it hurts less,” he said, “to lose the one you love without ever having been loved back.” 

“I think it simply hurts differently,” Emily replied, “I think we both got dealt some pretty unfair hands in love.” 

Ben chuckled bitterly. “That we did.” 

“Sometimes…” She sighed. Ben nodded, encouraging her to continue. “Sometimes it feels as though she holds my heart in her hand. And every now and then she forgets it’s there, so she grips it too carelessly until a piece of it breaks.” She sighed again, her lips curling into a sad smile. “Despite how much it may hurt, I wouldn’t ask her to let go of my heart. I think it’s meant to be in her hand. Even if Austin’s is in the other.” 

Ben stroked the back of her hand with his thumb, drawing soothing circles and said, “I’m sorry you must carry all this pain. I wish I could take it all and make it my own.” 

“I wish I could do the same with yours,” Emily replied. 

Ben raised their joined hands up to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of Emily’s. “Perhaps it won’t hurt as much if we carry it together,” he whispered. 

Emily smiled, tugging their hands to her own lips, and kissing Ben’s the same way he had hers. “Perhaps not,” she whispered back.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Kudos and comments are very sexy, so please leave some.


End file.
